butterflies

I’m sad today...something is happening here, something weird, she whispered into the fading twilight of an autumn’s sky. She wandered through an alley, amidst hight trees, accompanied only by dancing leaves and fluttering crows. Thoughtful, as ever. As ever. 


The fluttering thoughts in her head resembled bright butterflies 
With razorblade wings, 
Cutting deep wounds into the tissue of her brain, 
Never leaving her alone, not for one single moment
Even in her sleep she heard the steady beating of their blooddripping wings

A restless thoughts syndrome you might say
A restless bad thoughts syndrome, to be correct

[She smiled but her smile did not reach her eyes, never did]

When she had opened her wrists a long time ago she had cried long and hard like a child
She remembered sitting behind rain-streaked windows, a small shape behind huge glass panes
Disfigured insulting like a spider maybe
Or an insect, a very rare one and 
Oh so ugly
In the eyes of the blinded
And what strange moves her fingers made
Creepy crawly feathery spiderlegs
On the warm wooden surface of the table
Tapping softly
Drawing invisible ornaments and shapes
Of crippled flowers and trees

A violent sunset’s orange and gold
Crashed down from heavily clouded skies,
Bringing sweet apricot dreams of a child she never was
Then darkness fell like the closing of a coffin’s lid
With the distant sound of frantically beating wings

And quietly
And softly
Came out hidden tears
Big tears
Like an animal’s tears being slaughtered
The end of words and reason
So this is what dying is all about